i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
