Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
