Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
