he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
