Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
