I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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