I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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