bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
