He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
