Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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