wanna go halves on a baby?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
