We won't sleep together?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
