I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
