How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
