I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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