Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
