She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
