you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
