he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
