I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
