I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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