i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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