I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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