if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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