guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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