I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
