hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
