Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
