$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
