I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
