My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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