You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
