Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
