We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
