I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
