they need to just BURY HIM!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
