I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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