I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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