Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
