I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
