he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
