I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
