i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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