did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
