I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
