I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
