Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
