pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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