I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
