You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
