DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
