i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
