its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
