my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
