Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
