he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
