I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
