I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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