Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
