38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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